Writing:My War

                                                      

So I’ve been told that I am gifted at this art.  If so why do I find it difficult to sit and do it? I have been going through some hard times emotionally, the last thing I want to do,  is sit here and try to put words down on paper.  I seem to have a difficult time concentrating on what I want to say or where to go.

When I first started, I thought I would write about my autobiography but I don’t really want to open that door tonight.  It’s a painful place for me.  I don’t want to go to bed all worked up.  I will share the reason I believe, I struggle in this area.

As a child, I learned to write because that was the only way I could communicate to my father.  My dad had anger issues, and did not know how to handle any signs of emotions.  If I would try to share something with him he would get irate, and call me names.  Sometimes, he would get so mad, that his ears and neck would turn red.  So I felt safer to write to him.  At least I was able to get my feelings out. 

  Many times I’d get the same reaction, as if I would have spoken to him.  What hurt me even more is that he would rip up my paper, which to me felt like he was ripping my heart out.

So now, I must tell myself that this is something the Lord has given me and that it’s safe.  No one will be ripping this paper in my face or calling me names.  That I am to continue and share my story, so I can encourage others.  That the Lord delights in my work.

Now that my words are down on this paper, it feels good.  I’ve accomplished what I had set out to do.  I may have to find another time of day to do this.  I am not an evening person but I did enjoy this, better than watching T.V. for hours on end.  I had always wondered for a long time what I was creative at. I believe I have discovered it.  It’s a battle, but I’m a fighter and I will conquer this wall!