29 Years And Counting!

I'm quite a bit older now, then the day I became Mrs. Mark Grayczyk.  I was a very young, naive girl at the time.  (Barely 19)  All I knew was, I loved this young man and I wanted to be his bride and raise a family together.  Little did we know, what lied ahead of us when we spoke those precious vows to one another.

I had no idea what I was committing myself to.  I thought I was cool playing house.  I should have known from day one, it was going to be a rough ride.

 Mark and I were already living together at the age of 17.   Neither one of us was working.  We survived off his Soc. Sec. check that he was receiving from his fathers death and selling drugs.    We lived in a basement apartment at the time which cost a whopping $199/mth.  We didn't care, we were "in love."  Partied 24/7, we thought life was grand.  6 months down the road, Mark had fallen very ill. and came close to death.  He ended up being hospitalize for 6 weeks.  When he had walked out of the hospital he was a walking skeleton, 60 pounds lighter with 9 feet of his intestines removed.  What drama!  Not only that, the doctors had told Mark, more than likely he may never have kids..We had been robbed of our biggest dream! This was probably one of the scariest times of my life and I really had no where to turn.  My father had disowned me when I left home.  So I couldn't go back.  I was 17 and on my own, in one of the most corruptible cities.  I would visit Mark daily, and sit with him for 12 hrs. I had to learn how to drive a stick, because the van had one.  I taught myself.  I remember many days crying all the way to the hospital.  It took years for Mark to put on weight.  You would have thought this tragedy would have changed our lifestyle, but it didn't.

As time went by Mark had regained his strength and we both got work.  I was working in a factory.  I had head knowledge of the Lord but hadn't given my life to him.  So one day, I came home, after getting laid off.  I told Mark "either you marry me or I am out of here!"  Something was wrong with this picture. Isn't the man suppose to propose?  Thank God, he agreed.  Sometime before the big day, Mark had lost his job.  So here we are, both unemployed and were going to get married.  We decided that we were going to Fl.  My parents had moved there and my father had said he could put Mark to work.  Oh yea, about 6 weeks later, after we had moved in together my father had accepted the fact that I was living with my boyfriend.  So we ended up moving in with Mark's mom until the Wedding Day.  After that we headed south to begin our new life as Mr. and Mrs. Mark Grayczyk .While in Fl,. We lived in 4 different places and I got pregnant with our first born.  We were thrilled!  Wasn't long into the pregnancy, that I had almost lost him.  Guess who started crying out to God?  Mwaw!  Had to quit my job and was put on bed rest.  Our son was born a month early, but was healthy and beautiful.  We named him Matthew, because it stood for a gift from God.  This pregnancy meant the world to me and I started to search for the answer to life. It seemed to me , all we had were struggles.  When Matt was born, we lived in a little trailer in a swamp.  It didn't matter, it was home and we were in love.  We are a family now.  Wasn't long before I went back to my old ways.  Mark had missed his mom so much, we decide to head back to Chicago.So this is a brief description of the beginning of our marriage.

The Lord got a hold of me at the age of 23.  By now we had baby #2, our beautiful baby girl Rachel.  We're complete now. A girl and a boy.  Wrong! We had 3 more after that! ( De actually came into the picture when she was 15.)  Mark did not surrender to Jesus until 6 years after I had..  So you can imagine how tough it was, to continue walking the straight and narrow while he continued to party.  He manage to keep his job though, and support us.  Many times he wanted out of the marriage because he would claim I wasn't the same girl he had married.

As you all know.  Marriage has it's ups and down.  We are here 29 years later, looking back saying.  "WOW, now I understand what those vows meant."  We are happy, proud and grateful.  We don't have much to show for the 29 years in the material world, but are rich in what really matters , family, friends and  Christ walking with us. We both agree, we would do it all over again.  To another 29 years!

 One word of advice, don't get married at the age of 19.  We were babes and had to grow up the hard way.

The Miracle Dress

The other night Mark had shared in our small group, how God had given him a dream this past week when he had found out that he finally landed a job.  The dream was about his first paycheck. He shared how he truly wanted to bless me with a beautiful new dress from JC Penney because I had been so faithful with the little money we have had in the past six years, that he wanted me to have a Brand New Dress. No more having to shop at the 50% off thrift stores. My husband was amazed, at how well I managed our income, and how I had the capability to scrimp and scrape to make it stretch. 

So the following day was Valentine.  I knew there was no money to go out and buy any gifts.  I really had no problem with it. I felt in my heart just being together, enjoying each other's company was good enough for me.  After all, Mark will be going back to work and I won't see him as much.  He'll come home tired and more than likely when he got home, I will be ready for bed. So I figured we were going to have to become creative. I made him a gift certificate off the computer for a free massage whenever he desired. Then I thought, we could take a nice walk through the Park (the weather was beautiful), maybe get a chic flic from the video store (Monday happens to be $1 day.)  Come evening, listen to some music by candlelight.  That sounded romantic enough for me.  I really didn't care to go out on Valentine anyway.  The restaurants are usually crowded.  The only thing I did miss was probably having wine (which neither one of us can have) and some chocolate.  Anyway, this was my idea of how our Valentine was going to be.

However, God had something else in mind.  Early that morning we had received a phone call from someone in our group, asking Mark if he would be able to come over and help fix something.  Mark hesitated for a minute.  He said he really wanted to be with me, seeing it's Valentine.  Kate told him that it would take no longer than 30 min.  So Mark decided to go.  When he had arrived, Kate had said that God laid it on her heart to give Mark the money to go buy me that dress!  Before you knew it,she had blessed him with MORE.  Mark was sharing with her, that things are really tight now, and no matter how much I cut back, we would still be short this month by $300.  Not only did I get a dress, she told Mark to take me out for a nice dinner as well!  We were blown away!  I felt like God was romancing us.  We ended up going to the Olive garden (45 min. wait) who cared.  I was with my honey bun.  In my new dress, KNOWING without a doubt, God loves me!

Oh,yea.  Mark went shopping with me for the dress and I even allowed him to come in the dressing room with me!  Now, how many girls would do that?  We were in heaven for the day.  A Valentine I'll never forget.

Our Fathers Love Through My Eyes

I wanted to share with you what God had showed me about a week ago.  I was feeling overwhelmed with all these issues in my life.  So I was in prayer. While I was praying, God gave me a vision. (I have never experienced this before)

He showed me a picture.  I was standing in the middle of the room.  While I was standing, I notice a rope, a large one, circling around my hips.  He told me the rope represented my problems.  There was no opening in the rope, I could not escape.  The only thing left to do was to lift my face and arms to him. by doing so meant that I was giving him all my worries and cares.  By releasing these I was then able to set myself free and trusting him with all the things I had no control over.  Isn't that beautiful?

On a different day this week, he showed me about his joy and love that he has for us, by using my emotions that I have towards the grandchildren. I have such a yearning to be with the grandchildren, but I could not understand why.  I was just with them on Saturday. This was Sunday, when I realized how much I desired to be with them, I started to think, this must be how God, our Abba Father feels towards each of us. Only ten times magnified!

This next day, I was expecting my granddaughter to come over.  My husband had gone to pick her up.  This excitement was building.  I could hardly wait for her.  Then all of a sudden the truck pulled up in the driveway,  I couldn't believe it, she has finally here!  I kept thinking, she's here! She's here! Oh, wait a minute, here is God again.  His arms open wide, waiting for me to run into them! Can you see this?  He waits for us to come to him, like I wait in anticipation for my grandchildren. I am learning so much about our Fathers love, through these grand babies! Open my heart Lord, that I can see even more of you! 

A Letter To My Daughter

You know, I was thinking about the statement you had made last night, how we believe in Jesus and yet we struggle.  It's a misconception that once you have Christ in your life that all your problems will disappear.  As a matter of fact , the Bible says you will have sufferings, you will be persecuted, you will be tempted.  Why should our lives be any different than what Christ had?  He was persecuted, rejected by his own family, mocked, crucified and tempted like us.  God allows circumstances in our lives to build character within us.  He tells us, that although we must suffer, we will not be alone,  He will give us strength, peace, and joy IF we run to him.  We can't always see what he is doing behind the scene, but we can have faith and trust that he is with us and  he has our best interest at heart.  On top of it we have the great promise, that we will reign with him someday, when our time on earth is done.  Seek his face. He will show you what is really important in life.  Not all the fancy clothes, cars, and any other material things you want.  That will not bring your happiness.  I remember being your age, thinking the same way and found out the truth, the hard way.  My life may be difficult, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  When things get out of control, it forces me to run to him, and that's where I find peace and joy.  These two things are priceless.

A Letter To A Dear Friend

                     


Well, I started getting discourage about all of this junk piling up around us.  With a lot I had no control over.  I felt this nudging that I really needed to start bringing my issues to God.  I started praying with Paula and the Wed. night group in the fall but had dropped out.  The holidays were here and you know how busy and joyful everyone is.  So I thought I was doing fine.  The day after I took down the tree, depression hit in every area of my life, it seemed.  Well I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to go back to the prayer meetings.  I chose not to go last week, I was too tired too tired an excuse I has every week.  I have been feeling really drained lately and realized.  I need to make some adjustments in my schedule.  I knew that Wed. night was a priority.  That I had to get there no matter what.  Did I feel like praying?  NO I am angry at God for all this mess were in, some our fault some just life.  I saw this week where I had to start letting go.  I realized that maybe all this pain in my shoulder was not physical but could be spiritual, as well.  I couldn't let go of these problems.  So Annette (who’s my counselor) had taught me a tool to use.  That is, when I first get up to sit and type out what I am feeling, with no  coffee!  You got to be kidding! Coffee is known to be a mood stabilizer.  It was hard at first but it really works.  When I get this upset, my mind goes 100 mile an hour.  I can't process my emotions.  So it's great for that! 

I believe yesterday was a day that the Lord used to prepare me for this morning.  The list, the testimony, and then prayer meeting.  I forgot to tell you the reason prayer meeting is so important, is because it brings my focus back on who God is, and helps me to stay committed to prayer daily because I see the power of God within the group.  There were 9 of us there and it was so wonderful to see how God just used each of us and how we flowed in the Spirit.  My Spirit was lifted. I felt the Presence Of God among us, and had manage to forget all my junk, for that short period of time.

So when I awoke this morning, I was discouraged again, my shoulder was hurting and at this point it looked pretty hopeless.  While I was on FB, I started to cry.  So I sat in my little corner and told Jesus. I NEED A BENCH! (That was part of the testimony I had heard at church) He came to me and I was able to wrap my arms around his neck and I told him.  I, cannot take anymore.  I have had a couple of things go on throughout the day that made me cry.  Issues with my father,  my husband, my health, and my son. 

That's a hard one, Matt is 27 and married and I feel like I'm losing him, and I am always afraid that he doesn't know how much I love him.  When I had been real sick, there were a few times I had physically abused him.  I forgive myself, but it makes me so sad.  God knows if I was in my right frame of mind, things would have been different.  I have spoken with him about Matt about these things and he swears he has forgiven me and  says he knows that I was sick .  He's my first born!  Of course he is special to me.  I guess they all are in one way or another.

Thanks for letting me write.  This is therapeutic.  I am not seeing Annette right now (who is my counselor.  I feel I have too much on my plate, there is a sense of hopelessness, but I also believe that God wants me to learn to lean on him, with a few close friends. 

 By the way, I had another major breakthrough today.  I made myself vulnerable, and jumped the hurdle of fear, to reveal to Mark what I was really thinking about. Why I was crying over my father.  I think I need to slow down, and sit with Jesus for awhile.  Lots of sorrow and lots of pain.

One more thing.  This friend and I were discussing a scripture yesterday.  She had a question about it so I had to go search it out in three versions and it is Matt 17:20-22  It talks about faith of a mustard seed.  You tell the mountain to move, and it will.  That happen to be for me yesterday, when all along  I thought I was helping her.  So yes, I spoke to this gigantic mountain and shouted "MOVE!"  I also was able to use it at the Prayer Meeting.

Christmas Memories

I have decided to blog because I am hogging Face Book today.  I figured I must have something to say.  I am looking back and forward to Christmas.  Many wonderful memories of the past.  If there was one thing my folks knew how to do that was celebrating holidays.  Many good, happy memories when I was young.  We were not rich by no means but you would never have been able to tell that if you came over to our home on Christmas.  Now than I am older, I now realize that all the presents under the tree were not necessarily high quality stuff, but my parents thought the more the merrier.  We always seem to have a lot!  I never knew how they manged to produce so much for us, when we seemed to struggle throughout the year.  I now realize there is this thing that the stores use to have; called lay away.  It was a payment plan you had with the store.

  The most precious gift I remember getting as a child was a Mary Poppins doll.  Now that I think of it I really loved all my dolls.  My motherly instinct would come out of me.  We would usually go to church Christmas Morning and I would remember taking my doll along, as if she was my baby.  After wards, we would go to my grandparents where the whole family would gather.  I really have no memories of it, I just have seen pictures.

As I became a teenager, Christmas was just a night to party.  No more tradition, dreaming, or gratitude.  Just one thing in mind.  It seemed like every Christmas I would get so messed up I would end up ruining the evening for almost everyone.  I would end up angry,spiteful and hateful.  Not a nice picture.

Now, here I am years later.  Cherishing every thing about Christmas.  So sentimental, realizing it's the simple things that bring me joy.  Family, friends and faith.  This is, what it is all about.  Christmas is not just about a baby, born to a virgin.  No,  it's about my God coming to earth in human form, to become the sacrifice for my sins.  So that I can have a real relationship with him.  This is the first year ever that I have been able to grab hold of this truth. To know I can bear my heart, dreams and disappointments with him and that he cares about all of me and loves me dearly, because of Christmas I can say I am his child.  There is no greater gift than that.

The other thing I truly enjoy and love doing is giving.  Giving brings me more joy than anything. It doesn't have to be expensive.  Something simple or just giving of myself; I find people appreciate the most.  Open your heart and see what God can do with you this year.  You may find out that your greatest gift will come from him.

                                                 Thanksgiving

I was just thinking about life in general the other day.  Just what is it that really brings joy and contentment into my life?  Personally I have discovered, it’s not the material things, where I drive myself to death trying to obtain something that will only bring temporary happiness.  I have realized that it’s in relationships that I find true happiness.  Going out with a friend and having a cup of coffee, seeing her smile.  It warms my heart.  Or maybe she is in a tough spot, and I am there just to give her comfort, a shoulder to cry on, I get blessed.  Having a husband that appreciates the little things I do, makes me happy.  When I hear my oldest son’s voice on the other end of the phone, I get excited.  When my older daughter stops by I am thrilled! Talking to my sister, who might as well live on the other end of the earth, because I cannot see her as much as I would love to, makes me happy.  Greeting everyone at church on Sunday Morning, brings me joy.

This weekend I had an opportunity to work with a group of people I love and we had fun.  It did not seem like work because we were having a good time just being around each other.  The most precious gift I have is a personal, intimate relationship with the Lord.  Sitting before him each morning, just melts my heart.  I know he will be with me throughout the day and that I can handle anything that comes my way, because he is beside me.  This is the greatest gift of all.

Then I have two very precious little people in my life that I cannot say enough about.  Our grandchildren!  Phoenix and Phoebe.  I love just observing them.  The simple things that bring them joy.  Give Phoenix a stick and he will find 5 different ways to play with it.  He does not have to have expensive toys, he loves beating and drumming on anything.  Phoebe is younger and just loves undivided attention.  She is just so proud of every little thing new that she can do.  Her giggles, are worth a million dollars to me.  I am looking forward to watching them grow and become what God has planned for them.

I was honored this weekend to go on a short Retreat.  It was a wonderful experience and priceless.  It was like a taste of heaven.  I had time to spend alone with the Lord.  A whole day!  We walked, he talked and I listened.  I could really feel his presence.  I felt special, treasured like he had nothing better to do than just hang out with me.  Could you put a price on that?

As I look at my life, I notice it’s the simple things in life that really matters.  Swinging on swings, camping, fellowship, phone calls to those you love, having meals with friends and family, Woman’s Bible Study, helping others, sitting at a park, writing.  Writing is probably the cheapest hobby you can have and it’s good for the soul.

Another thing I have found is that God has put a desire within each of us to be close to nature.  Some love the forest, others love the ocean, some of us like to watch the sunrise, than there are those of us who like to watch the sun go down.  There are so many beautiful things to admire, if we will just take the time to slow down and look around. You know the phrase “count your blessings one by one.”  It’s true we’re rich if we will just take the time to look.

You know the phrase “count your blessings one by one.”  It’s true, we’re rich if we will just take the time to look.